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For the in-between moments, what does a day of crossed boundaries actually look like? Not the dramatic ones. Not the days that make curse into the winds, (don’t suggest doing that, living in a city where I am at, might get a response from the wind👻).

Nope, just a regular Tuesday. So, can boundaries be both external and internal? Can we be the one crossing them and the one allowing them at the same time? Today, I’m walking you through a mild day in my life. Mild meaning nothing catastrophic happened. No argument matches. No HR complaints (I promise I am a good cookie). But this normal day will show boundary after boundary being crossed. 

Before I begin, I want to acknowledge the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend (not a paid-sponsorship). It’s heavily faith-based, but it helped me begin mapping my days more honestly. This reflection humbled me because I always believed I was “good” at boundaries, especially since I am confrontational and direct. Turns out, that’s not the same thing. As you read, consider mapping your own day, not to judge yourself. Just to observe.

5:30am — The First Boundary

Alarm rings. Swipe. 5:45. Swipe again. Up at 6:00. Already rushing.

I slept at midnight. Again. Why? Because I tell myself I “need” more time at night to finish things, to unwind, to reclaim the day.

But what I’m really doing is crossing a boundary with myself. Boundaries don’t start at work. They start with sleep.

The Drive: Becoming What I Hate

Reckless drivers. You know the type. A white Tundra triple-lane changes into my exit lane. I beep. I maneuver. I escalate. I cut him off. Now I’m driving like the thing I claim to hate.

Internal boundary crossed:
I allowed someone else’s behavior to dictate my character. Reciprocity took the wheel.

8:00am: The Emails Begin

I’m a manager. My workload is heavy. That’s fine. I signed up for it. But wearing multiple hats and being available for everyone gets interesting.

Training Requests

We have scheduled trainings all year-round. Instead of reinforcing the structure… I bend it. I offer dates that cut into my vacation buffer and project time.

Why? Because being helpful feels good. And saying no feels… uncomfortable.

Contact Information Requests

I built systems. Clear systems. Instead of reinforcing autonomy, I resend information. Then sit through meetings explaining the same thing I wrote.

Internal thought: “Just click the link.”
External behavior: “Of course, happy to help.”

That gap? That’s a boundary.

Newsletter Request

This one stung.It wasn’t even my responsibility. It was assigned to my direct report.I took it anyway.

Two hours gone. My strategic projects shrink. Sometimes crossed boundaries look like over-functioning.

The “Fire”

Someone marks something urgent. It is not fire, yet I respond immediately anyway.

The strongest leaders I know distinguish real fires from emotional smoke. Growth area for me.

Distressed Teammate

I see someone struggling. I initiated the conversation. Beautiful connection. Meaningful exchange. And I walk into my meeting 3 minutes late.

Boundaries crossed, but this one is nuanced. It’s on me. I could have said:

“I have 3 minutes before a meeting , do you want to talk now or at lunch?” Boundaries don’t mean ignoring people. They mean being clear.

10am: The Meetings Wave

Four meetings. Increasing responsibility in my workload.

In one, I accept a project I know shouldn’t automatically fall to me.
In another, I continue leading a collaboration where others under-contribute. In another, I say “yeah, that’s fine” to extend the meeting, knowing I have no buffer before lunch.

Lunch becomes 10 rushed minutes. Its about to be 1pm and the people who requested for additional training should be at this session since I told them about it.

None show up.That one hits differently because what more can I give if others cannot meet me halfway.

Home: My Safe Haven if I Keep my Boundaries

I get home and I have a gameplan: cook, workout, unwind.

But the phone rings and it is my best friend. Its tough cause the lines get blurred:
Am I friend? Therapist? Coach? Punching bag? Accountability partner?

90 minutes later, the phone conversation emotionally drained me and I am so behind on my tasks. This particular day really hurt me because my wife was sick and I was supposed to cook nourishing food.

Instead, I ordered takeout and now I feel like I failed. Its not because of the phone call, but rather I did not protect my time.

This was the clearest boundary of the day and a boundary I address at a later time, and it was the hardest one because we eventually stopped being friends. Still dealing with that today.

I stayed true to my boundary that made room for peace. This boundary and the loss of a friendship deserves its own post for a later time.

What This Day Taught Me

Crossed boundaries aren’t always dramatic.

These are:

• Small hesitations
• Over-extensions
• Avoided discomfort
• “Yeah, that’s fine” when it isn’t

They are internal and external. And sometimes the loudest boundary we cross  is with ourselves.

Reflection for You

If you mapped your day, where would you notice:

• Over-functioning?
• Silent resentment?
• Rushed transitions?
• Emotional spillover?

When you are saying “yes” when your body is saying “enough”?

Remember boundaries are not walls, they are gates. Everyday, we decide what passes through.